Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Summer Fun

We went to an amusement last week with out of town family and it was a BLAST. I could not believe how much Kman loved the rides. He could ride a lot of the adult rides as long as he rode with an adult. He rode the "popcorn" and the "sleigh-ride" and many more. HE LOVED IT. He even rode on the "Ferris Wheel" and "Pirate Ship" ( I thought he may be afraid, but he wasn't...he couldn't get enough). He had so much fun with his cousin E and he especially liked the water park! Anyways, I know there are a lot of pics but I had to share how much fun he has had this summer so far!

He thought this ride was too slow! Especially after riding some of the bigger rides!
My little niece is such a sweetie, and I love the way she is looking at Kman.

There were a lot of kiddie rides too...these rides were perfect for M (he is not much of a ride person);)

Fun in our back yard on the slip and slide.

We hope to do a lot more this summer...I am taking full advantage of not working. Fall comes all too quickly...and hopefully I will have some sort of job in a school come September!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Happy after a LONG run!

Well, I ran my longest run thus far...14 miles. It actually felt pretty good....although I am not a fan of roosters pecking my ankles as I run....or dogs chasing me through the road (both of which happened today!). Anyways, 14 miles is more than half way there....YAY!!!! Next week 16 miles.

Friday, June 19, 2009


I haven't posted about running in awhile, but I am running a lot. I am finished with school for the summer, yeah! Kman said the other day "It summer time Mommy, that means I get to stay home all day with you!!" I am so happy to be home and have NO work this summer!

It has been hard finding time to get my runs in. I wish I could just get up early in the morning and run, but it is so hard for me to get up! I set my alarm every morning but then press snooze so many times that I don' t have time for a run! I know if I just made myself do it for a while it would be second nature to get up early.....anyone have any motivation tactics to run in the morning??

Last week as an "easy" week of running, which I really needed. I had run 12 miles the week before and it kicked my butt. I was so dehydrated (i forgot my water pack) and my body did not cooperate at all. For the first time I thought, oh man, am I gonna be able to do this?? So, I don't know, but I am gonna keep trying!! I am going to run 12 again tomorrow....hopefully it will go better. I researched the importance of nutrition when running so much, so hopefully that will help!

I have two races coming up. I am running the a five mile on the 4th of July and then I am running a 15K July 12th. So, it is good to have races to look forward to and to help motivate!

I have family in town this week and it is great....but, it is also bittersweet. It is so different without Ben here. He always brought so many laughs and he played with the kids a lot and loved to play games and be crazy. I think we all are feeling the loss a lot now, especially when we are together.

I watched his testimony last night. He gave it at a church several years ago. He spoke about GRACE and about his addictions too....it was a powerful testimony. I cried the whole time watching it and have such a headache this morning. Watching it made me realize how hard it is for some people-dealing with addictions. Ben love the LORD so much, which was so evident in his testimony. Watching it also made me sooo mad at the enemy....the way he torments people....and destroys their lives. I know God is Good and in the end...Ben had/has victory in Christ.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

3 months

Today, 3 months ago my life changed forever. It has been a rough weekend....grief is just so unpredictable. Honestly, I haven't had much time to grieve...I feel like I am like a chicken with my head cut off. It has been so busy. I have been working full time (teaching and daycare), running like crazy, training/disciplining Kman, going to all Mark's baseball games....etc. I think grief catches up to you though....and it has this weekend. I just really miss Ben, plain and simple. At times, it seems so hard...I am a twin and it seems so unfair that I am here without him. I understand the reality that he is in a better place and someday I will be there too....but, sometimes in the day to day it seems unfair.
Three months ago he was still alive (he passed on the 6th a little before 9pm)....being kept alive I should say. My mom and I were talking today and saying that he could potentially still be alive....it was the hardest and yet the easiest decision of our lives. Hard to be selfless and say goodbye and make the choice to take him off life suport but easy in the sense that we knew we would be delaying his encounter with our Saviour if we kept him on life support. I replay that moment over and over, and at times I hear myself saying "did i really watch my brother die?" "did it really happen?". I don't want to go back and relive those times, however, I often replay it in my head....I don't know why, I just do. I think partly because it keeps me connected to Ben in a way....
I can't remember if I already posted about the last moments of Ben's life....but, when we knew he wasn't with us anymore all I could do was picture his passionate self running arms open to the Lord....and his struggles were/are over....I repeated to him "you made it Ben, I am so proud of you". I am so proud of my brother-he has taught me so much...and I am sorry it took his death for me to realize the impact he had on my life. Ben was so loved, and he loved so. I want to remember all the good times I had with him...and that is what I am doing today....and I miss him.