Saturday, March 23, 2013

Balancing Act

I feel like my season of life is all about trying to balance everything....I mean how do you potty train a 2 year old, feed an infant every 3-4 hours, keep on top of housework, work with a special needs 7 year old, keep up with friends, and try to lose 30 pounds...haha, that is my life! It is exhausting just writing about it!

I am learning to just take one moment at a time and give it all to the LORD...if I get too far ahead of myself I feel anxious and stressed. I have lived life that way in the past (and still struggle with those things at times), and it is not fun because it paralyzes me. I am also learning to let things go, and to not be so hard on myself. There are days I fail miserably...I fail my kids, my husband and myself....and I am learning to give my weaknesses and bad days to HIM and to trust HIM in it all. After all, I am human and I can't do everything for everyone. I sometimes yell at my kids (ok more then sometimes), I lose my patience, I get uptight with my husband, I spend too much money on groceries....but these are all reminders that I need HIM more then ever. AND, it is a good opportunity to apologize to my kiddos and let them see that I am not perfect (not that they think I am..haha). =)

Some of the things I am really trying to focus on this week are:
Spending time in Devo's each morning, running every day.
Continuing to work on personal space with Kman and reading with him more at night.
I really want to spend time finger painting with JJ this week...he loves it and I don't let him do it much, because it is soo messy...but this week I want to make time for the mess. ALSO, starting the process of potty training!
Cuddling and loving on K-baby!
I want to make dinner a few times this week. I know it means a lot to Mark.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Challenge for this week:

If you come to my house you will often here these things said:
"Kman, stop touching your brother."
"Kman, sit."
"Kman, stop touching your brother."
"Kman, don't get into your Dad's space."
Repeat about 1000 times....

SO, our challenge as parents this week is teaching Kman about personal space. This is a challenge as he is a lover and loves to is how he feels loved too. SO, how do you teach him to be himself, but also teach him is very difficult. We can not teach him by using words and explaining it to him...which we have tried, it simply doesn't work.

Today I cut up a towel and labeled one for Kman and one for JJ. This is their personal when they watch TV or are playing with trains on the floor if Kman touches JJ or JJ touches Kman then they are invading eachothers space. We are trying to show Kman the appropriate space that people really need (and in other cultures it is different, in some cultures it is acceptable to be much closer).

So far it has worked ...Kman has watched a show on his "space". Everytime he got of it, he had to turn the TV off for 10 took awhile for him to finish his 30 minute show. BUT, hopefully this strategy will help him see and learn how to give people space.

It is difficult as a parent to follow through...even when your children don't have special needs it is is EXHAUSTING to implement these strategies and be faithful to follow through...but it is SOO important to....that is my challenge this week to not let exhaustion make me "lazy".....


I haven't blogged in so very long....with good reason. I have been busy with babies...God is so GOOD! We welcomed our little Kase into the world on November 16th 2012! I was so stressed about Kase's delivery because I had to have an emergency C-Section with Josiah (after 48 hrs of labor) and I didn't want to do that again...but, I didn't really want a C-Section I decided not to make any decisions and just see what happened....AND, God totally worked out all the details. I was only in labor a total of 3 hours...a little different then the 48 hours with Josiah. It was so fast, I couldn't get an epidural or anything, which according to Mark I BEGGED for...haha, it is tough when you are in the middle of it and can't get relief!! BUT, I did it with HIS strength and Kase came out a big, beautiful, perfect little boy. We named him Kase Benjamin after my twin brother. So glad to have 3 boys!
Anyways, we have faced some challenges over the years first with infertility, and now with our oldest son Kman...I thought I may start blogging more about what I am learning about him and about "special needs" kids in general...and what I am learning about myself. I have had to give up so much control (apparently, I really like to be in control) ....and with Kman there is no control! Mark and I have been praying for  years that the LORD would give us wisdom in dealing with Kman and of late we have gone to an amazing children's psychologist that has helped us tremendously. He has helped us understand our son, which we desperately want. We are committed to learning about him and learning how to parent him better. I have become much less judgemental through the process too....learning that as good as a parent as you try to be that there are some things that just are VERY difficult.

 I'd like to first tell you about how great Kman is...he is super energetic, loving, affectionate, bright, loves to read and is good at it, loves to be with friends and family, loves to cuddle and loves his family so much as he says so like a million times a day! He is a JOY and a miracle and we are so thankful for the opportunity we have to love him!

Our Kman has a few different things going on in his body (which I may talk about in future blogs) and it has been enlightening to learn about it, and we continue to pray for guidance, wisdom, strength and grace. We know that with the LORD's help and intervention our son will grow, thrive and overcome...out hearts break that our 7 year old has some very big challenges in his life...but we also know that HE has a purpose and will help and bless us through the process.

I have felt VERY alone over the years, as I have felt that I couldn't talk to people about my son, or that I couldn't bring him places for fear of being judged....I am getting over it and learning to just LOVE him and am learning all the time how to better parent him. is to our journey and I will share some of it with that maybe you can understand other people a little better, or be less judgemental, or just be more educated on what it is like to live with someone with extra challenges....

Sunday, January 8, 2012


We are dedicating JJ tonight at church....and I am giving my testimony. I am nervous as I don't like to speak in fron of people, but know that I need to share my heart. This is what I am going to be saying...

For those of you that don’t know Mark and I that well, I’d like to start by saying that we have been married for close to 10 years and we knew that we wanted children right away. We shortly found out that having a family would not come easily for us. We went through years of fertility treatment with no success, and we were eventually told we would not be able to have children which was extremely hard to swallow…while pursuing fertility options we were also pursuing adoption….which was not an easy road either…but, we finally got a phone call on ____ and the person on the other end said that we had a baby boy!!! We were beyond excited…We picked up our new baby boy from the hospital the very next day and named him KMan…he was 3 days old…he is our 1st miracle boy!
3 years ago Mark and I were going through a lot of trials and losses. We wanted our family to grow but we were going through extreme financial crisis –We did have 2 phone calls for babies…one was a baby girl the other a baby boy…neither of those situations worked out in large part due to our finances….this was devastating for us.
Because of our financial crisis (which included loss of relationships too)…we were also losing our house. This was extremely difficult and humbling. We had to sell a lot of our possessions…things that didn’t really matter, but hard none the less.
On top of all of this my twin brother Ben had a fall on March 2nd 2009 and sustained a brain injury to his brain stem…which is the worst possible place to have a brain injury…we spent 4 days in the hospital with him…until he went home to be with the Lord on March 6th…I was completely devastated to say the least…devastated on all fronts of life.
I began to question God’s love for me, and questioned if he was truly good…I felt very alone and depressed.
I decided to do a very unspiritual thing to help me cope with all the losses…I began to train for a marathon. I decided to run the race in memory of my brother, but dedicated all my training to the LORD….which was a lot of hours as I ran a total of 576 miles in the span of 5 months.
I would listen to music and cry out to God to speak to me…one song that I would replay over and over again was “Oh how he loves me” by the David Crowder Band. The verse I would re listen to over and over again says this “He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His mercy-when all of a sudden I am unaware of the afflictions eclipsed by His glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are, and how great your affections are for me.” ALL of a sudden my training for a marathon became the most spiritual thing I’ve ever done b/c God began speaking to me…especially through music. I heard him say “I love you, I am Good, you CAN trust me.” I remember running and crying and grieving my losses-but I began to do those things with Hope and peace in my heart…I was beginning to understand that the circumstances in my life were not a reflection of the amount of LOVE that He has for me.
One other song by the David Crowder band that I would listen to on repeat was “Just you and ME” which says “take my fret, take my fear, all I have, I’m leaving here. BE all my HOPeS, be all my dreams, be all my delights, be my everything.” HE was becoming my everything.
While training for my marathon I began to ask God for breakthrough in our family…that he would give us another child…I was truly at peace either way…but asked anyways, I promised God that if we did have another child that I would take every opportunity I had to testify to His love, and faithfulness in my life and give Him all the glory....which is why I am standing up here tonight. During the times I questioned His faithfulness…anther song that ministered to me was by Steven Curtis Chapman called “You are Faithful” which says..
"I am broken, I am bleedingI am scared and I’m confusedI am weary, unbelievingGod, please help my unbelief'Cause You are faithfulI will proclaim it to the worldI will declare it to my heartI'll sing it when the sun is shiningI will scream it in the darkWhen You give and when You take awayEven then, still Your Name is FaithfulYou are faithfulAnd with everything inside of meI am choosing to believeYou are faithful. "I and chose and still choose to believe that HE is faithful….
6 months after my marathon I found out I was pregnant. I can’t even tell you what my heart felt the day I found out…we had been trying for over 8 years…and were told by doctors that it wouldn’t ever happen…I am so thankful for the time I spent with the Lord training for my marathon…so thankful he changed my thankful for our miracle boy #2 JJ….I hope that when you hear my story you are encouraged and no matter what losses you are experiencing or what you are waiting for you too can hold on to Him and His promise and rest and trust in His faithfulness. I am so overwhelmed with thankfulness as we dedicate JJ tonight.

Friday, April 29, 2011

My sweet boys!

It has been awhile since I last blogged and a lot has happened!! First, of all here is a pic of our sweet JJ. He is such a blessing. I can't believe he is already 3 months old! He is smiling and laughing...he is generally a happy baby! He sleeps ok...not through the night yet, but we are working on it! He LOVES his big brother and watches him all the time!
People have been telling me that JJ looks like my twin brother (who passed away 2 years ago) Ben. I think he does too. It is surprising considering Mark has all the dominant genes! When Ben died, I remember crying out to God saying that I wish I could have another baby boy so I could name him after Ben. I obviously didn't name him after Ben...because my brother had a baby boy and named him after Ben. BUT, isn't God so good....I had a boy and he looks a little like my brother!
Oh-I don't think I wrote about my labor...pretty much everything went wrong. I was in labor for 48 hours...I didn't get an epidural till hour number 26! Basically, I didn't progress passed 9 and a half cm....I tried pushing for a few hours too! But, in the end I spiked a fever and they had to do an emergency C-section. The hardest part was knowing that JJ would be taken right away to the special care nursery! It was a God thing that he was a C-section though because the cord was wrapped around his neck 2 times and he was born in meconium (I have no idea how to spell that!). As soon as I had JJ Mark had to pretty much go home because Kman was soooo sick and not breathing well! Mark couldn't stay at hospital with me it was a little rough, but it all worked out in the end!
There has been so much joy with the arrival of JJ as he is a answer to many many years of prayer. We always tell Kman that he was our first miracle baby and JJ is our second! The hardest part about having a new baby is the time I miss with Kman. I have cried many times because our relationship is different-he was my first and I spent so much time with him!! But, I know it is good for him and me to have another little one around!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Family Photo Session

We finally had family photos taken....we haven't had any taken since Kman was 18 months old!! We met our photographer at the Eastman house in Rochester. What a beautiful place to take pictures! Kman had so much was so cold, and he didn't have to wear a coat and hat. He thought it was an adventure! On the way home he said "thanks for making my day so great Mom and Dad, taking pictures is so fun." He says the funniest things. We do realize we will have to update our family photo very soon! YAY!! Anyways we love these photos by Bethany Chase at should check her out!
Here are a few:

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


After my blog a few months ago...It is still somewhat unreal to me...but, God has blessed us...and we are pregnant. I am just about finished with my 1st trimester. We have had two appointments one at 7 weeks where they did a "viability" ultrasound. We got to see our little peanut and his/or her fluttering heartbeat. It was amazing. Then last week at 11 weeks I went for my first "real" appointment and got to hear the heartbeat. I cried so much...I was just feeling so blessed and amazed!
Mark and I had been trying to get pregnant and went back to the fertility doctor's in late April. We had a new doctor who had a TOTALLY different perspective than our doctor 6 years ago (we went through infertility before Kman-we did several procedures...none worked...obviously!). Needless, to say we got pregnant on our first try...and we were not on any hormones. I got a call several days before my period was due (I went and got routine blood work) and they said that the blood work tested positive...I was SHOCKED to say the least. It was the first positive test we have had in 8 years. I thought the nurse on the other end was lying. I couldn't believe it....I literally crumbled to the ground and cried! I asked her again "are you sure" period isn't even due quite yet! So the rest of the week, I was excited, but also very anxious. I had to go back several times for blood work to make sure the hormones where doubling. There are times I think really trust God...but, then I realize it is such a process. I was so anxious for about 2-3 weeks...and really had to spend time reading God's word and focusing on Him and trusting in Him .
I still have moments of panic...."Is this really happening?" "Am I really pregnant after ALL these years?" But, in it all my HOPE is still in Him and I am so thankful for the life HE has created within me!!!!!
By the way, can you tell how excited Kman is??? He has been praying for about 6 months for a baby brother or sister....actually he has been praying for BOTH!! =)