Hope

We are in to our 7th year of infertility....it has been one of the hardest things in my life to deal with and trust God in...and yet, it has also been such a blessing. Without our years of infertility we wouldn't have our amazing son now. I wouldn't change anything because if I did, then maybe we wouldn't have checked into adoption....and yet there are days I see other families growing and it is hard. There are days I ask God "WHY?" and "WHY does it have to be so hard?". I thought that I had dealt with the issues that go along with infertility, but I am realizing that it will be a lifetime process for me. It is not something I will just get over. It is a loss in my life, and it is hard. However, I do trust God and know without a doubt he loves me and he has good things for me. After all, HE is the one who gave me my (our) son!

For about 5 years I have received an amazing publication about infertility...it has given me so much encouragement over the years. Reading people's stories makes me see that there are other couples that understand....who have walked the same road.
I would like to share a poem that was written to give you a glimpse of the pain that comes with infertility. There have been months I have felt like this...not every month...and more in the beginning of our journey...but, sometimes these feelings do creep in still.

"Today someone's hopes lay dying against the rocks
Today the waves come crashing down
Reminding her of what is not to be
Reminding her that in the nine months there will be no tiny feet
Her husbands eyes won't be staring back
Her nose won't be crinkled on another little face
She beats the ground with her balled up fist
She wipes the tears and puts on a calm face
Wondering if this nightmare will ever fade at last
Advice is offered once again, it's not the right time
Advice is offered once again, relax and it will happen
But the pain still feels the same, gut-wrenching
But the pain still feels the same, heart-breaking
And no amount of comfort can be offered
And no consoling words can bring relief
She watches other ships sail in the distance
She watches other families grow and evolve
In the flotsam and jetsam she waits, struggling to stay afloat
In the cold harsh water she clings to the cross she bears."

My hope is in the Lord, and maybe someday he will bless us with more children but maybe not...either way my HOPE is in HIM. I will hold onto hope. He is my hope.
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

LOVE my little man.